Reflection: Some years ago, I hit a wall. Anxiety had begun to overtake my day to day life to the point where it began to affect me physically – I couldn’t sleep, I couldn’t eat, I lost a lot of weight – but worse than that, I just didn’t feel any joy. I still believed – I hadn’t lost my faith – but it wasn’t bringing me peace or pleasure and I was really dragging myself through life rather than waking up each day and declaring the joy of the Lord to be my strength. I was trying to do everything in my own strength, and it was exhausting.
Nobody really knew – it was something that I kept hidden and locked up inside of me – but I knew I had to work out the root cause of my anxiety. After weeks of counsel, solitude and seeking God, I finally acknowledged my trust issue. It took a long time to admit because although I trusted God with all sorts of things there were other things, important things, that I didn’t trust him with at all. I had to admit it – I didn’t fully trust God.
I was going through the motions, but joy and peace and hope had all but evaporated and no wonder when you read today’s scripture.
No trust? No hope, joy or peace. It’s that simple.
I knew I had to learn to trust God. I believed in him – absolutely I did – therefore I had to learn to trust. Instinctively I knew that I couldn’t repair my anxious self without trusting God.
I knew that genuine fullness of life – hope, joy and peace would only come when I learnt to trust God completely. ‘With’ and ‘in’ everything. No matter what. But how? (You’ll have to read again tomorrow to discover the answer I found helpful).
Question: Do you trust God with everything or only with some things?
Prayer: Gracious and loving God help me to trust, I pray. And as I learn to do this, fill me with your hope and peace and bring me your joy. In Jesus’ name, Amen.